All my life I’ve always tried to make my parents happy and proud of me, well maybe not always, but I know that they want what’s best for me which means the career that makes the most money. This is something I struggle with. See I’m not the brightest student out there, and I can sometimes be hard working, but when I am I know I get results. I also want a job that I’ll enjoy on doing, a job that I’ll honestly be proud of, even if my parents aren’t, but since I want to make my parent’s proud I have no clue on what to do. There are times where I actually don’t feel like I’m living life to the fullest; I don’t blame my parents of course, I honestly blame myself for not having the courage to face them and tell them about the pressure they’re putting on me. Sometimes I think it would be best to take a year off after high school and maybe get a part time job while I figure my stuff out.  

Secretly, I kind of do have an idea of what I want to do for a living; I really don’t care much about wages, I just want to travel.  I want to explore the world while I write stuff like a journalist. I want to experience different cultures and learn languages.  I want freedom.  Ever since I moved to Lethbridge I’ve always felt trapped, and over and over I keep thinking that there’s something out there and I want to explore it. I want to hear different viewpoints on things and write about it.  I want to put myself out there and experience things I have not experienced before.

-By Stephen Protomartir

Is It Worth It?

There were moments during my high school year that I thought I was going to be a chef. I wanted to go to the culinary arts school at the Lethbridge College. I was all in for this career that I’ve never even tried just because I like to cook. I never ended up going through with it because I was given some advice to not rush into something that I'm uncertain about, but there are problems with this advice and my reaction. The first issue is that I’ll never know if I would have like that career because it got tossed to the side and forgotten about.The second issue is that I have found that passing up education at any point can be a bad thing. Over the years I have found sometimes it is better to just go for it. Yes, it’s a lot of money to go to school, but money on education is never wasted, and it doesn't hurt to learn more than one thing so you have something to fall back on if you end up not liking your career.

-By Tyson Langager

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJbQphVcGxA
This is a link to the video clip entitled: "All About Learning.  Why is Education Important?"

“There's is something inside they can`t get to. That they can't touch. It`s yours. Hope.” This is a quote said by the prisoners in the film Shawshank Redemption. This reminds us that hope isn't something that can be taken away from a person so easily. As long as we don`t give up there is no person who can take hope away from us.

I started gaining an interest in basketball when I was 13 years old. I think it came from watching my older cousin, who was 17 around the time, playing with his friends. I would always ask to tag along and whenever he did let me come with him I would get lost watching them play. It was about time for basketball season and I really wanted to go and try out, but I was afraid of getting cut and not making the team, so because of this fear I didn’t go to the first try out. My older cousin confronted me about this and asked me why I didn’t go, after explaining my reasoning behind my decision to miss the first try out he took me to the court near where I lived at the time and he played basketball with me for a few hours. It started to get dark, so we started heading back home and as we were walking back to my house he told me if I really like basketball I should try out because if I didn't I would end up on sidelines, watching my friends play. The talk he gave me wasn’t much, but it was enough to make me want to go and tryout. My cousin gave me hope that I could possibly make the team. In this situation I was the only one discouraging myself. I didn't have any trust myself, but my cousin gave me the hope and the courage to tryout for the team.

-By Mawien Arop

Don't Let Fear Take You Over

I feel vulnerable in life when I have to put myself out there and do things I'm not comfortable doing, such as going out of my way to talk to others and talking in front of people or groups. I hated doing this and felt nervous up until probably this year, but I realized I wasn't the only one who felt this way and that if everyone else could do it without any problems then I could too. I realized the people you're talking to don't care whether you are nervous or not, they are just there to listen to what you have to say. Even though I may have hated doing these things in the moment and I sometimes just wished it would be over, I now know that it only benefited and allowed me to progress and work on developing a new and useful life skill because the only way to overcome things like this is to continually do them over again and practice until you are comfortable. This will allow you to start to become comfortable with the uncomfortable moment life throws at you. Being able to overcome anything, whether it's big or small, takes a tremendous amount of courage. Sometimes society can try and put limitations on what you can do, but as long as you listen to yourself and truly believe you can do something you will be successful and be able to overcome anything. Even though I still dislike talking in front of people I am no longer nervous when I have to.          

-By Joshua Lambert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0HRAtBquKg
This is a link to a motivational video entitled "Overcoming Fear".

Brandy, My Best Friend

Role models are important to an individual because not only do they guide an individual to make positive life choices, but they also provide inspiration and support to one's life. Brandy Little Bear is my auntie, my best friend, and my role model. If I could explain Brandy in one word it would be extroversion because she is the most outgoing and positive person you will ever meet. There is never a dull moment when I’m with her and I can always depend on her when I need comfort or someone to cheer me up through the hard times. Something we always like to do is cruise to go get a slurpee and sing to 2000 throwback songs in the car. Brandy wears her heart on her sleeve and always puts everyone else before herself. She feels as if her purpose in life is to help others who are in need of it. Ever since I was a little girl she kept me close to her, almost like I was a little sister, not to mention Brandy is only nine years older than me so it was more of a sister relationship between us, and it still is like that. She never left any of my siblings and I to feel unwanted or lonely. She resides in Calgary and over the summer she was the only one who encouraged me to get a job up there. Brandy also supported me while I lived with her for the few months while I was up there working. I look up to her because of how strong she is as a woman, and how she just goes for what she wants. Brandy is no pushover, she helps where she is needed and wanted, but never lets anyone take advantage of her. She is also someone who takes chances and risks in her life, someone who isn’t afraid of anything. Brandy moved up to Calgary with only the clothes on her back after high school knowing it wasn’t going to be easy, but had hope that in the end everything would play out perfectly. Now nine years later after moving up there she has a beautiful family, she enrolled into Mount Royal University and has a stable place to live with all the extra necessities she would want, and deserves. Going on six months ago, my parents went through a separation. Times were really hard for everyone in my family. Throughout this challenge that we were faced with, Brandy has continued to be my shoulder to lean on. When I need to go somewhere to get away for a bit, she's the first one I call. If I didn’t have her in my life for support and encouragement, I don’t think I’d be as strong as I am today. She always pushes me to do my best, and when something doesn’t go the way I hoped, she's there to tell me the right things that I need to hear. Brandy will forever be my best friend.

-By Sydney Shade

The Reason I Play

When I was much younger I would always want to go see my sister and my brother play their school sports. Going to see how my siblings play and how they connect with people, mostly watching my brother playing volleyball, caused my mind to open up. After watching his whole volleyball season whenever I got the chance I would try to set or pass the ball. When grade seven came along I wanted to tryout for the school volleyball team. And that is where it all started my passion for this sport. I was one out of two grade seven kids to make the senior team. Through my middle school years I’ve stuck to the same sport and still love it. Going into grade ten was nerve-racking because I didn’t think I was going to make the team, it was more difficult because new kids from different schools were trying out to be on the team. After I made the team I created goals for my career.  My JV team got second at cities, my SV team got second at cities and won a zone banner, got top ten at provincials and got top five at nationals.  Hopefully my next goal is to play for a post-secondary program. I love this sport and I will for many years, I’m glad my brother started playing because if he didn’t, I don’t think I would have started playing I would have stuck to playing basketball.

-By Tim Kelly

The Darkness in My Life

The darkness in my life would be living up to the expectations of others. People always expect too much, and it is hard to make everyone happy. For this darkness to go away, others should not expect so much from you. I think if everyone lived up to their own expectations and did not worry about anyone else it would be a lot easier to please others. It puts a lot of pressure on someone to try and live up to other people's expectations.  Everyone should just have to worry about themselves and reach the expectations that they have set for themselves. If people can learn to do what they would like, they would be happier than always feeling the need to do what others want from them. This also connects to social media because people see what others are like and they try to be like them, and they are not being themselves. 

-By Brayden Chapple

Hope for the Future

At times I constantly find myself dwelling on the future, whether it’s about an assignment that's due or even just a busy week. I often catch myself playing situations over in my mind and wondering how I’m going to approach them, but usually they don’t go so well in my head. I don’t even have a clue what is to come next and this scares the hell out of me. Nobody can truly know. I have faith that everything will work out okay, and also hope for a good future, a future in which I’m not a disappointment to myself and others, but in many instances I cannot help myself, but to assume the worst. I think nothing is going to work out sometimes and I’ll be left a failure. My family and others may have some expectations that can put a lot of weight on my shoulders and failing them is probably one of the biggest fears of mine. I don’t enjoy letting people down in my life. It’s just that they have hope for me to do great things for myself and not make any of their mistakes, but nobody is perfect. Not everything we do has to be great and we cannot prevent ourselves from doing any of the wrong things in life, that is why they are called mistakes. We can only have the hope and courage to be the best that we possibly can. I cannot do everything others wish for me to do because not everything they want is exactly what I want. If I could do all the things everyone wanted me to do I would, but first I need to do what I want. I wish to simply be the best version of my myself and it upsets me that I cannot make everyone proud, but that just isn’t realistic. I need to find the courage to do the things I wish to do, and the hope for a good future.

-By Cetan Pitre

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=163_C5UVU-I
This is a link to the song "Hope for the Future" by Paul McCartney.

Family and Cars

The vision I have of my future has both cars and family in it. When I say family, it's not just blood family, in fact sometimes it's not blood family at all. Family for me is who's there with me when I need them.

There are three special cars in my life, two are my dad's, and the other is mine. One of my dad's has been made into a tribute car, while the other is in the process of becoming one, and my car is very special to me because if it weren't for someone very dear to me I wouldn't have it. The special someone, who the two cars are being meant to tribute, is the same person who made it possible for me to have my car. This vision of my future is so perfect that it scares me because there is always something that goes wrong. The whole reason the cars my dad owns are tribute cars is because things didn't go the way we wanted them to. The very person who made it possible for me to have my car, also never got to see it. She also never got to see the one car my dad had, at the time, finished. This is why the tribute cars have become tributes, but they were not bought with that intention.

Family has become way more important to me over the last year. My family has grown because I consider more people family because they were there when I needed them. The one thing with family is that no matter what they'll always be reunited, it just might be a lot longer of a wait then most hope. When my dad and I are in these cars together it feels like that wait to be reunited is over, even though it's still a long way out. In these cars we feel connected to her even though she's gone. That's the reason cars and family are the key points in my future.

-By Brett Gross

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk
This is a link to the song "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa. Much like the cars, this song is like a tribute to the person I have lost.

The Shadows of My Life

In my everyday life, I do my best to hide my vulnerability in situations that I’m uncomfortable with, like a big group of people that I’m not familiar with. I don’t know why, but I do distance myself. I will usually spend most of the time on my phone when I’m in a big group of people I don't know. I get anxiety in situations like that because I have trust issues. I’m not afraid of people judging me, but always in the back of my mind lies the thought of not being good enough. I don’t know why I question my self-worth, I just do. I’m vulnerable, but I do my best to keep my vulnerability hidden in the shadows. Not many people understand what its like to question their self worth, or get anxiety during a time that is odd to get anxiety in. Personally, I believe that anxiety is a demon that keeps you captive in the dark shadows of fear. Everyone tells me anxiety is just fight or flight, but to me all I wish I could do is take flight out of my body when the big burden drops on my chest like a 200 pound boulder. The bright side is what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. I know as I grow up that I will learn from these experiences that I am going through and I will be an even stronger person. Day by day my courage grows because I stand up to my personal issues every morning as I get ready for school. At the end of my journey all these issues will help shape me into a stronger, better, and happier man.

-By Nolan Brooks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXl6QpWQ5xo
This is a link to the short film "Nothing Will Stop Me".  It is a motivational video, reminding               us that "there is nothing as powerful as a changed mind."

Pow

When I think of what I am passionate about I imagine myself on top of my closest local mountain at Castle. I love every moment of it! Looking at my best friend right beside me, then looking down to pick my line, the wind and the snow hitting my face like a wall of pins and needles. Every time I carve I get I get a slash of pow in my face, inhaling it, suffocating me like I’m under water. Let’s not forget that adrenaline rush! It's almost like I can just feel it rushing through my veins.This is what I love. I love every bit of it, even sitting on the chair looking at what’s next to ride, building that courage to look for harder terrain, waiting on the chair for that next run in, the bumps and bruises, the laughs, and especially the memories made with the ones I’m lucky to share my passion with. It’s been quite hard to pursue it this year being that I’ve been to busy with work and school. Going to school all week and work on the weekends makes it quite difficult to get up to the mountains and shred some pow but I haven’t let that stop me from getting out. I’ve only been out four times this past season which is better than nothing, but I just hope I can find more time next year and in the years to come.   

-By Saje Pitre

The Humbling Rains

Photo taken by Tristen

With the smell of spring rains I simply cannot help but feel the pain ease away. Water like me, is so delicate and purifying. The rain hits my face with its cool embrace. The sound of thunder shakes the earth, and the river flows among the rocks. My breath is taken away in these moments, my mind and body feel at peace and numb. I watch the water as it shimmers, my reflection in these small moments, and my thoughts trail off to simpler times where as a child I ran and played in the rain. So innocent and fragile I was. My life now flows like the river, with grace and harmony. Water always seems to ground me to the earth reminding me that I too belong among-st the trees and sky, reminding me that we all drink from the same flowing river, and we are united in one. Water brings me comfort it reminds me to embrace the changes in life with humility and welcome challenges with courage. I am grateful everyday, for what I have, what I have achieved and even what I have lost. As I live in these moments I begin to cry, but I don't ask why because my tears brings me hope that I can begin to let go. Like the river I know I may hit the rapids, but I remain on the same pathway. I've never been afraid to cry or ask the world why. My tears are my cleansing rains and are humbling. I've learned a lot about who I am inside.  With courage and humility I am able to achieve this: my sense of self and my drive to change. These traits come from my humbling rains and remind me that I am on the right pathway. 

-By Tristen Cook

https://mail2.holyspirit.ab.ca/owa/redir.aspx?C=kkFBlw1XeVDznmwLksEUFd-uLFRiPmXANhNja0s9PvVG45q053rUCA..&URL=https%3a%2f%2fwww.youtube.com%2fwatch%3fv%3dO0YxeTjFn70
This link is to a music video by Puscifer.  This piece, entitled "The Humbling River", mirrors the metaphor I have established in my blog piece.

Breaking Free

Anxiety - seven-letter word that struck me out of nowhere. When my anxiety became a “thing”, it took me off guard. It spiraled into my day to day life. An anxiety attack feels like your mind is fighting against you. It says “you can’t do this”. “why do you think you can do this?” your body reacts, your heart is racing, your lungs ache, fighting to breathe as your breath shallows. Unknown faces paralyze me, I hate crowds, concerts, and movie theaters . I used to love these but now, it’s out of the question. I hate buses and planes because there is no easy way you can escape. I think too much. I think ahead, behind, sideways. If it exists, I think about it. It’s like living in a world with fog all the time- a world without color or laughter. It makes me feel like I am tiny seed stuck at the bottom of a pot. The more I try to grow and break free, the more dirt and soil falls on me, suffocating me and pushing me down. I feel heavy, weak and tired all the time. When I was admitted to the hospital, I felt sadness, anger and hate but also love and happiness. Distorted and fleeting as these positive emotions were, they were enough to convince me recovery was possible.  From my experience, I had to work hard for what I wanted because it won’t come without a fight. You must be strong and courageous and know you can put your mind to anything you want to.  

-By Kourtney Sazaski

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtuOk0IFjiY

This is a short video entitled "Things About Anxiety Nobody Talks About". It is a very informative video outlining the various difficulties people with severe anxiety face.

My Heroes

This story has been told by my both of my brothers and my mom and it tells about how much they love me and everything they did for me. Everything started in El Salvador where I was born. My dad wasn’t there for me and brother, or my mom. I was a baby and I didn’t know any of this. My brothers were there for me when I needed them the most.  My older brother used to take care of me and my other brother; they were my heroes. I thank God because I have the best brothers in the world. Without them I wouldn’t have been able to do much. My brothers gave me everything they could and even though they were young they tried their hardest to feed me and take care of me. When I turned two years old one of my brothers went to live with his aunt, and I was left with my other older brother Alex. 

 Alex is the biggest hero there is; I feel like he is an even bigger hero than superman because he is stronger than superman; he is everything to me. When kids, my age bullied me my brother Alex stepped up and protected me and it didn’t really matter if he lost the fight he would protect me from the bullies. Sometimes I wish I could have done the same thing for him as well, but I wasn’t strong enough.  I was scared, but Alex gave me the courage to be stronger and he has been my hero all the time. I couldn’t have asked for a better brother. 

When we came to Canada he protected me even more and he helped me on homework because I didn’t understand much, but as time went on I started to do it by myself and he started to change.  He acted different and I thought he didn’t like me anymore and wouldn’t protect me anymore, but he was still there for me and he continued to protect me from fights I got into. 

Three years later after we came to Canada my older brother came as well, I missed him so much and was eight years since the last time I visited him.  I hugged him and thanked him for taking care of me while I was a baby. I really love that I have the best brothers ever.  They will always be here for me when I need them the most even though sometimes it’s hard for them, but they try to give me the best. My brothers motivate me to do even better at boxing and motivate me not to quit easily, so no matter what I have to try it first and if it doesn’t work I have to finish what I start with their help.  My brothers Alex and Brian are the biggest inspiration for me and I hope I can be the same role model for my younger brother that I can teach him what my brothers taught me. 

-By Melvin Ariza

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s1wOJUIkx4
This is a link to the song "Hasta el Final".  This song is about never giving up in life.  This relates to my brothers because kept pushing me to never give up once I started something I wanted to accomplish.

Because I Dance...

Passion to me is doing something that you love and never getting tired of it. My passion is dance; dance has been a huge part of my life. I've been dancing for 5 years, and these years have been the best years of my life. Before I started dancing I was really shy and had no confidence at all. Then I found Urban Beat Dance studio; I fell in love with dancing and the feeling of a kind and welcoming studio. I started dancing hip hop for 3 years until I recently started tap dancing  last year.  I love to dance because I get to meet new people and be a part of team that I call my dance family. I have gained confidence from performing in front of hundreds of people at competitions every year and plus I have become a better person from dancing. Probably my favourite thing about dancing is all the fun and pretty costumes that we get for competitions and the adrenaline I get right before I hit the stage. Dancing is a good therapy. If I am having a bad day or something is bothering me I dance because dancing clears my head and makes me not think about the situation. This year will be the last time I get to dance with my dance family and share the competition stage with them. Dance has taken me from a shy awkward teen with a low self esteem to a self assured confident young women I am today.

-By Keely Cernetic

https://www.facebook.com/urban.beat.5/videos/1435722876469273/

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_ExXKEE4Q5jR2ZsQWJKR0E2TXdaTC1hdVRsRHhtZVNseThZ/view

These links are to some recorded videos of my "dance family" and myself practicing.

Connections Across the Ocean

I am passionate about a few things in my life, but the most important has been learning anything to do with Japan. Last summer I had the opportunity to go to Japan for two and half weeks with Catholic Central, travelling to our sister school in Sendai called St. Ursula’s.  The first part of the trip we toured around Kyoto for a few days taking in many sights. Then we took a bullet train to Sendai to meet up with our host families. In Sendai, we would tour the city and spend time with our host families after classes.

I already knew who I was staying with In Japan because I meet her when she was an exchange student at CCH in Grade 11. The student I stayed with was Ginga Watabe. I first met Ginga when she was in my Science class first quarter In Grade 11. By talking each day and hanging out together at school, we both knew if I ever came to Japan I would stay with her. At the time, I did not know for sure that I would be able to stay with her but hoped it would happen. Ginga and I both enjoyed the times we had together in Canada.

At the end of the school year it was time for me to go to Japan. I was excited and also a bit nervous travelling such a long way. When I first saw Ginga again in Japan, I was so happy that I was able to spend a whole week together with Ginga and her family. They took me everywhere and treated me like royalty. They were so very kind and welcoming towards me. Even though I had never met her family, I felt as if I had known them for a long time. They would always thank me for the helping Ginga when she attended our school in Canada. I do not think I did anything special, but to them it meant so much. There were times when there were language barriers between us, but I would always try speaking the language to the best of my ability.

There were many fun things we did together during my visit. Fireworks was one of my favorite things with Ginga’s family. I think they celebrate any happy occasion with fireworks. We lit off fireworks a few times while I was there. Fuga, Ginga’s younger sister, was the one who taught me how to properly do fireworks the first day we got there. Ginga’s Mother and Father would always teach me new Japanese words and tell me about their culture. Throughout the day, I would use the little bits and pieces of Japanese that I knew to talk with them. My host family would always ask me questions about Canada and I would try explaining as best I could in English so that they could understand. We would always be laughing and enjoying the time together no matter what we were doing.

Close to the end of my trip we went to the bookstore. I asked Ginga’s father if there were any books on how to learn Japanese in English. We ended up finding a few books. When I was going to pay for the books, her father insisted paying for them. He told me It was a present from him and that the next time we see each other we can talk in Japanese. This made me want to learn the language more because of the gift he gave me. I am taking Japanese class at school to learn a bit more of the Japanese language. One day I hope I can talk to Ginga and her family and be able to tell them things I was not able to before.

From the moment I was there, until the time I left Japan, I felt a part of Ginga’s family. The connections I made across the world are very memorable and I will hold dear to my heart. My experiences there have made me even more passionate about Japan and the culture. Every day was a fantastic time and there was not one moment where I was not smiling and having fun. I would take a trip like this again if I had the opportunity.

-By Sarah Cassidy

https://cchjapan2016.wordpress.com/
This is a link to the CCH photo album from the 2015-2016 trip to Japan.

Living With Demons

Sometimes I feel as if I’m in a dark room by myself, and all I can hear are voices. Sometimes I think it’s my voice or someone else’s voice but I don’t recognize it, it’s very vague sometimes soft, sometimes harsh. Then I hear “be afraid” be afraid of what? Life, the people around me, and the risks I take? Then I start to think to myself “maybe I should be afraid.” Then when I want to talk to someone about what’s going on nothing comes out of my mouth. It’s like I’m screaming what I want to say, but nothing is coming out. From the second my eyes close to the second they open up, the demons inside me never leave.

I am now familiar with the feeling of not being able to catch my breath, the feeling like the walls are closing in, the feeling of passing out, and the feeling of never ending shaking is the worst thing in the world. I would never wish this upon anyone it’s like a nightmare but you’re and awake and it never ends.

When I try to explain what’s going on people think I’m crazy or there is something wrong with me, they say “you need help” or “or you need medication” but what is medication going to do for me? Keep me sane? Yes, but I don’t want to be on medication my whole life. I need to take charge of my life and be in control, I need to find the courage inside of me to fight and have the hope that one day it will all be okay.

-By Briana McKenna

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jacklyn-krol/2014/01/what-its-like-to-have-severe-anxiety/
This is an article that explores what it is like to have severe anxiety and how debilitating it can be.

Hope and Fears of My Future

There are some things about my future that I am looking forward to and other things that I am really scared about. Some people have told me that I will never be able to achieve my goals, but I believe I can achieve my goals as long as I have hope and as long as I work hard. After graduating high school, I plan to go to college and get a job operating construction equipment. I am looking forward to being able to live how I want, without anybody telling me what to do or how I should live my life. I am excited about being able to work a decent job, do the activities I enjoy and live my life how I want to.

There are some things that worry me though. Since social media is becoming more and more popular, I am worried that I will not be able to talk to as many people face-to-face because everyone will be using their phones to “interact” with each other. Also, I do not want to be one of those losers who are in their homes all day making YouTube videos for money. I want to be working outdoors, driving vehicles and interacting with people face-to-face.

I do have hope for my future though, and that is all that matters to me. As long as I have hope and work hard, I believe that I can make my future life the best life a man can have.

-By Daniel Lueke

Left Astonished

Every once in awhile, I go up into the mountains with my family. Driving up, I love looking out my window watching all the trees and wildlife pass right before my eyes. Opening the windows to smell the clean air always makes me happy. Whenever we arrive in the mountains, we set out to explore.  Hiking is my life.  Whenever I hike, I let go of my worries. When I hike, I always look around me to see all the wonders that mother nature made for us

to love and cherish.  I follow paths that I know will leave me breathless.  When I get to the special spot the path leads me to, it always leaves me to be in awe and astonishment that we live in a world like this. There’s always a lake at the end of my destination. Dipping my feet in the cold refreshing water makes me be relaxed and comfortable for what I have accomplished. As I sit there, I listen to all the wildlife around me with my eyes closed, reliving my adventure to get to where I am now, enjoying that I feel free and renewed. I see with my own eyes the beauty from my hike and take pictures to have the memory last longer. The reason I’m passionate about hiking and the mountains is because of my mom. She always looks so at home whenever we are away from everyone else, with just her family and nature to keep her company.  She looks like her self again - happy, young and full of life. Seeing my mom like this makes me happy and relieved because she works so hard and cares for everyone.

-Hannah Irwin

Cowardly

You want to tell how you feel, but you can’t because you’re too much of a coward to see his reaction. You don't know if it’s good for you or if it’s bad, but what if you’re too late to tell everything…

    I found out that you’re in love again. Well, it’s  good thing that you’ve already moved on from the past. I am happy for you, yes I am, but i can’t stop my heart from breaking because you’re in love again, and i’m not the lucky one.

    The moment the news came out, I lost all my senses and reality struck me. I found myself in a dungeon of emptiness. You are in love and it’s not with me. I guess it will never be me. I can’t blame you for that. I can never blame you for that because it is I who never found the courage to tell you how I feel. It is the cowardly me who chose to stand in the quietness of my feelings. I chose to keep you on standby not telling you how I feel, but I guess I am losing you forever with all the "what ifs" haunting me.  I wish I had the courage. I wish I can outgrow these feelings soon. For now, I’ll keep my distance. Just let me heal this shattered heart in silence.

After long months I’m back in the Philippines. There’s someone who told you that I’m here. I didn’t expect that you were going to message me. You asked me to go out with you and I accepted. I didn’t expect that I would see you again. We ate, we watched movies, we did the things that we used to do when we were still together. All the feelings that I felt for you is back. There’s a hope that build in my heart; I’m hoping that we can be together again and hoping that we can still fix our broken relationship, but I remember  that you already have a new one. Maybe this is  not the right time for us, but I’m hoping that someday when we meet again you’re free already, and hoping  we can still have another chance. When the right time for us has come, I’m not going to let you go AGAIN.

 - Alexandra Bias