Cowardly

You want to tell how you feel, but you can’t because you’re too much of a coward to see his reaction. You don't know if it’s good for you or if it’s bad, but what if you’re too late to tell everything…

    I found out that you’re in love again. Well, it’s  good thing that you’ve already moved on from the past. I am happy for you, yes I am, but i can’t stop my heart from breaking because you’re in love again, and i’m not the lucky one.

    The moment the news came out, I lost all my senses and reality struck me. I found myself in a dungeon of emptiness. You are in love and it’s not with me. I guess it will never be me. I can’t blame you for that. I can never blame you for that because it is I who never found the courage to tell you how I feel. It is the cowardly me who chose to stand in the quietness of my feelings. I chose to keep you on standby not telling you how I feel, but I guess I am losing you forever with all the "what ifs" haunting me.  I wish I had the courage. I wish I can outgrow these feelings soon. For now, I’ll keep my distance. Just let me heal this shattered heart in silence.

After long months I’m back in the Philippines. There’s someone who told you that I’m here. I didn’t expect that you were going to message me. You asked me to go out with you and I accepted. I didn’t expect that I would see you again. We ate, we watched movies, we did the things that we used to do when we were still together. All the feelings that I felt for you is back. There’s a hope that build in my heart; I’m hoping that we can be together again and hoping that we can still fix our broken relationship, but I remember  that you already have a new one. Maybe this is  not the right time for us, but I’m hoping that someday when we meet again you’re free already, and hoping  we can still have another chance. When the right time for us has come, I’m not going to let you go AGAIN.

 - Alexandra Bias