The Monsters in My Life

Throughout my whole life I’ve always had to deal with different types of monsters. The ones who would give me nightmares and scare me awake during the night, the ones who would hide in my room and make me afraid to open my eyes to the darkness of what untold things hid in my closet when I was sleeping. These monsters were typical in my early years, as I got older the monsters became more invisible, like something that became a little less real and become more imaginary. These monsters that I created in my head were something out of my control. During my growing years as a young teenager and having to deal with stress levels a thirteen year old shouldn’t have to deal with was just the start of the problem. The monsters in my life were no longer imaginary, they became anxiety, insecurities, depression, and PTSD. I kept them hidden in the dark for many of my teenage years.

A difficult time in my life where I experienced most of this was when I had to continue to go to school a few weeks after the passing of my mother. What made it so difficult was not only coming home to a quiet environment where she would often occupy a huge space in my house. She would usually be playing her favorite songs on the stereo and be cleaning or cooking us something to eat when we finally came home and ask us, “how was your first day of school?” But the most difficult was dealing with the people who already knew about it and would always ask me about what happened to her, or even bringing it up to begin with. I would always hear what felt like meaningless, tainted, sympathetic words “I’m sorry about your mom, are you okay?” repeated itself endlessly as if to mock me. Hearing them did not comfort me, nor was I ever “okay” with the fact that I would have to grow up the rest of my life forgetting what it was like to hear my mother’s voice. It was a tough time to think about all the memorable traits she left behind and now her daughters who would have to learn to grow up without knowing what it’s like without the support of a mother.

I never would have got through this difficult time without my sister. She and I were on the same page; I was going through grade eight while my sister was as old as I am now, and was going through her graduation year. Together we got through it with perseverance and by supporting each other’s grief. Our education became our primary source of getting through it. Even though we hated school and dealing with people, we made it our priority that we will get through the school year for our mom. My sister graduated at the end of the year and I finished my grade eight with sufficient scores. This gave us motivation to do better, not just in school, but for ourselves. We gave each other hope and in order for someone to have hope, they must have the courage to act on it. This changed my life and it gave me the strength I have now as a grade twelve student, finally graduating my years of school. I now must keep this oath I made when I was in grade eight and turn it into my reality - for my mother.

-Chataya Holy Singer

http://www.onlythebible.com/Poems/Footprints-in-the-Sand-Poem.html
This poem meant a lot to my mother because she always looked at this poem when she was upset and this was the poem that gave her strength and inspiration.