In life I think everyone has a dark side. Mine is wishing that life wasn’t the way it is now. There is a thick wall between how I present myself to the world and how I really am on the inside, without my mask. I used to be a very outgoing and positive individual who put herself out in the open quite often, but somewhere along the line my life took a turn. Staring at a very young age in my life almost every day I was bullied. I would get picked on for being different. I remember the way the other kids in my class used to laugh at my pale skin, saying I looked like I was sick, or albino. Mostly the harsh words were aimed at my weight though.

Clothing has always been a huge struggle for me. It was hard finding clothes to fit my little over weight body when I was young.  I always wanted to wear cloths the other girls would wear, but there was a problem, I just wouldn’t fit.  I often found myself draping my body in boy’s clothes instead because that was the only clothing I could wear to fit my body right. I just wanted to be normal.

One day I got a haircut. I was so proud of my new look, and happy, I couldn’t wait to show it off. I got straight across bangs and I thought they were the best thing ever, the new change was great, but once I arrived at my school, everything changed. The kids laughed at me, saying I looked ugly and even fatter then yesterday, and before I knew it I had accumulated a new nick name, ‘Ugly Betty’.  I have never felt more ashamed to be me than in that moment. It hurt, so I decided it was time for a change. I needed to make a diffence in my life.

I joined the cross country team and began to workout. Every single day I worked so hard, and kept pushing myself till I could go no more. A lot of people told me that I could never lose the weight, that I would always be the fat ugly girl, and I was a fool for even trying to better myself. They laughed, but their silly remarks only caused me to push myself harder. They were my motivation, and I thank them now for helping me. I soon began to notice a difference in myself, not only in my body, but my attitude too. I felt healthy and alive, for the first time in my life, and it showed. I also began to wear makeup. I wake up every morning, put my makeup on, and straighten my hair, just to make myself feel worthy, to hide my insecurities from the world, but with this I found my passion. I love makeup. Makeup is a way for you to cover up your flaws, and sculpt your face into how you dream to look, but it is more than just a cover up in my eyes, Makeup is a form of art, my face is my canvas, and this is my life.  I didn’t do it for the people who said I couldn’t, I did it to improve the person I am.

It’s hard going through life day after day, when all people do is try to rip you apart from the roots up. The things that people say can put a huge toll on your life. Sometimes I find myself wondering how my attitude and outlook on life would be if I didn’t experience this is my life. Would I still be the person I am now?

I still get some remarks for the way I look. But you know what? It doesn’t bug me anymore, not one bit.  I can just brush their harsh words right off my shoulder in a blink of an eye because I have found myself.  I am finally free.

-Kiara McGarrigle