Although the
world is evolving, language almost seems to be going reverse through time.
Language is a powerful way to express ourselves to each other and sometimes
people forget how powerful our words truly are. The problem is that we misuse
words which can really upset some people. A big example I would use is when
someone is upset with something, and says "I'm just gonna kill myself". I would
think that that is one of the most disrespectful ways to use our words. However,
that isn't the only one. On a daily basis, you hear people say how "depressed"
they are, or how much "anxiety" they have, or that they have OCD because they
brush their teeth twice a day. The people who use these phrases hardly
understand the feelings behind it. Depression consists of so much more than
being unhappy. It consists of exhaustion, unhappiness, little to no motivation,
constantly hurting yourself either mentally or physically. Anxiety is more
difficult than asking someone on a date. Anxiety can make you afraid every day.
It could convince you that your mother hates you, that you aren't good enough,
that everyone is laughing at you all the time, that a crowded room is staring at
only you, etc. Anxiety is a stronger sense of stress, which can negatively
impact your body. OCD is a lot more than how often you do something. It makes
you feel as if you NEED to do this now or else something terrible could happen.
The problem with our society is that nobody takes the time to think about how
their words affect other people.
Thinking back on my life, I realize that I did not develop anxiety, I was born with it. I have social anxiety, which makes me fear public speaking, getting myself noticed, having the courage to make new friends, and anything to do with other people. Even when I was young I would cry when people laughed because I thought they were laughing at me. I remember one of my dad's friends had a small party and everyone brought their kids. I must have said something funny, because everyone started to laugh and I burst into tears. I ran away to a random room in the house and locked myself in there because I felt embarrassed. There was a gecko in the room I had run in, so I started playing with it. When my dad came to talk to me I refused to leave the gecko for some odd reason. I guess I didn't have the courage to face them again.
Throughout school I never had the courage to make new friends. I knew everyone in my class and that was good enough for me. I didn't have a best friend until grade 3, and we fought a lot but we have been friends ever since. When she started having new friends I got really scared and jealous, because I knew I would have nobody if I didn't have her. I started to get really "clingy" and try to meet her new friends, but I could never be around them for too long, for fear that they might judge me or something. When junior high came, she started dating a lot. We starting hanging out less and less. I guess I was jealous that she could meet new people and always have new things in her life, because mine was like a routine. However, I never had the courage to say anything. All I wanted was my best friend but I felt like those heartbreaking boys were more important. When we ended grade 9, we got in a big fight and didn't talk until nearly the middle of grade 11. She found out about the issues I had with myself and had enough courage to reach out to me. Things slowly got better for me after we started talking again, bt grade 10 had severely changed my life. It was filled with a sense of loneliness, emptiness, numbness. I had stopped caring for myself completely. I won't go into detail, but I'm sure you can figure out the horrible things I had done to myself. I had lost all hope for myself, and courage wasn't even in my vocabulary. In English 20-2, I was having a really bad day. My emotions were bouncing off the walls, and it just wasn't a good day. My boyfriend was in California so I hadn't been able to talk to him lots, but he had sent me a text, so of course I answered it. He said he could talk for a bit, and I didn't care about the short story we were reading anyways. He was trying to make me feel better, because he knows how hard it impacts me, and the teacher took my phone away. Everyone thought I over reacted when I stormed out of class, but what I really did was run to my friend's class. For some reason I was having a horrible anxiety attack and I didn't know what else to do. Luckily for me, her class wasn't doing any work so I ran to her crying, asking if it was okay to take her out of class. I'm not sure what happened, I just remember hugging in the hallway for an unrealistic amount of time. After that happened, I knew I needed to change myself and get a grip on my condition.
I started doing very well in school. I went from regular 50's to regular 80's. I formed a better relationship with my mom. I tried to make myself eat healthier and get more exercise. I started taking care of my body, from the outside in. If I felt like I looked good and it gave me confidence so I could have the courage to start my day off well. Also, it gave me courage to stop staring at the ground, and smile at others when I walk past them. I have also gained the courage to reach out to others who feel the same way I did. By doing this I have made a couple more friends. Not a bunch, but very good close friends who I know are always there for me.
Although I still suffer from social anxiety, I feel as if I can function properly. I still go to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people and sit by myself, but I have gained enough courage to smile at them the next time I see them. I still struggle to make friends and sometimes I just wake up and have a bad day, but while I was growing up my mother taught me that tomorrow is a new day, with new gifts and experiences. I may have quite a few bad days, but with loving people surrounding me, it is not a bad life.
Thinking back on my life, I realize that I did not develop anxiety, I was born with it. I have social anxiety, which makes me fear public speaking, getting myself noticed, having the courage to make new friends, and anything to do with other people. Even when I was young I would cry when people laughed because I thought they were laughing at me. I remember one of my dad's friends had a small party and everyone brought their kids. I must have said something funny, because everyone started to laugh and I burst into tears. I ran away to a random room in the house and locked myself in there because I felt embarrassed. There was a gecko in the room I had run in, so I started playing with it. When my dad came to talk to me I refused to leave the gecko for some odd reason. I guess I didn't have the courage to face them again.
Throughout school I never had the courage to make new friends. I knew everyone in my class and that was good enough for me. I didn't have a best friend until grade 3, and we fought a lot but we have been friends ever since. When she started having new friends I got really scared and jealous, because I knew I would have nobody if I didn't have her. I started to get really "clingy" and try to meet her new friends, but I could never be around them for too long, for fear that they might judge me or something. When junior high came, she started dating a lot. We starting hanging out less and less. I guess I was jealous that she could meet new people and always have new things in her life, because mine was like a routine. However, I never had the courage to say anything. All I wanted was my best friend but I felt like those heartbreaking boys were more important. When we ended grade 9, we got in a big fight and didn't talk until nearly the middle of grade 11. She found out about the issues I had with myself and had enough courage to reach out to me. Things slowly got better for me after we started talking again, bt grade 10 had severely changed my life. It was filled with a sense of loneliness, emptiness, numbness. I had stopped caring for myself completely. I won't go into detail, but I'm sure you can figure out the horrible things I had done to myself. I had lost all hope for myself, and courage wasn't even in my vocabulary. In English 20-2, I was having a really bad day. My emotions were bouncing off the walls, and it just wasn't a good day. My boyfriend was in California so I hadn't been able to talk to him lots, but he had sent me a text, so of course I answered it. He said he could talk for a bit, and I didn't care about the short story we were reading anyways. He was trying to make me feel better, because he knows how hard it impacts me, and the teacher took my phone away. Everyone thought I over reacted when I stormed out of class, but what I really did was run to my friend's class. For some reason I was having a horrible anxiety attack and I didn't know what else to do. Luckily for me, her class wasn't doing any work so I ran to her crying, asking if it was okay to take her out of class. I'm not sure what happened, I just remember hugging in the hallway for an unrealistic amount of time. After that happened, I knew I needed to change myself and get a grip on my condition.
I started doing very well in school. I went from regular 50's to regular 80's. I formed a better relationship with my mom. I tried to make myself eat healthier and get more exercise. I started taking care of my body, from the outside in. If I felt like I looked good and it gave me confidence so I could have the courage to start my day off well. Also, it gave me courage to stop staring at the ground, and smile at others when I walk past them. I have also gained the courage to reach out to others who feel the same way I did. By doing this I have made a couple more friends. Not a bunch, but very good close friends who I know are always there for me.
Although I still suffer from social anxiety, I feel as if I can function properly. I still go to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people and sit by myself, but I have gained enough courage to smile at them the next time I see them. I still struggle to make friends and sometimes I just wake up and have a bad day, but while I was growing up my mother taught me that tomorrow is a new day, with new gifts and experiences. I may have quite a few bad days, but with loving people surrounding me, it is not a bad life.
By Brooke Belsher
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