Mrs. Gardner's English 30-2 Bloggers: Courage of Self

Have you ever done something in public that made you uncomfortable? Have you ever had a plan for the future, but didn’t go through with it? I have, and these were times when my courage and hope for myself was shown through myself.

About 3 years ago, I moved to a new city and started going to a new school named Catholic Central High and due to me being an introvert at the time, it really wasn’t a fun experience. Every day, the students had one hour to eat their lunches and hang out with friends. I hid in a shell during these times. I sat in a very crammed part of the school in between some lockers and an art showcase and I could barely fit in it, but I still did it. I did this every day for the first month of school. I kept myself hidden away from others out of fear of what others would think of me. People saw me crammed away and I heard them saying “What a creep.” or “What a loser.” And other harsh words like psychopath, nutcase, and other words that I can’t list on this paper.

Then, I found that quote as a part of an advertisement on the internet and my outlook on myself completely changed. I went from being an introvert to an extrovert, from hiding away in a corner all alone to starting a club for others like me to feel like they belong. A quote from an author who writes children’s books flipping someone’s life upside down? If you asked me that 4 years ago, I would have thought that you were insane. Well, I guess that big gifts come in small packages.

Now, about me and why people think I am not exactly ordinary. One of my greatest talents or skills is playing a video game meant for children and taking the game to new speeds that a majority of people have never seen. It sounds odd, doesn’t it? Think of it what you will, but I don’t care what you think because there is only one person that can be me and that’s me. I am actually so good that someone offered to drive me to a tournament for this game and it was happening in a city about 2 hours away from where I live. If I wasn’t good, that person wouldn’t even be talking to me. By being my extraordinary self, I made a friend that I never would have made if I stayed an introvert.

Back to the quote, "those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind" is a true and confusing statement. It basically means that just for being yourself, you are going to have a lot of people with different interests as you and they will never hang out with you. A majority of those people will be judging you, ignoring you, despising you, or just hating. However, if you don’t go out in the public and be yourself, you will never find those true friends that enjoy your presence and like you for you. You can go out in the public and be someone that you are not, but the friends that you make with that identity aren’t your true friends. That human connection with someone who has the same interests as you is something that you will treasure for a long time and maybe even for a lifetime.

Now, how does all of this relate to courage and hope? Let me just say this: yes, I play children’s game and yes, I have taken to the game to stupid levels of speed and physics. I have been called lifeless, psychopathic, insane, and a nutcase, but on top of that, I have been called amazing, skilled, and daring. I have the courage to take those insults from others and walk through them like it is the air I breathe. Some people think I am extraordinary and a majority of people think it is extraordinarily bad. Although I will find probably find one person that likes me for a hundred people who think I am mental, I have the courage to say “Hey, I don’t care what you think of me” because there is only one person that can be me and that is me. By having this courage, I can go out and find people with the same characteristics as me and just maybe, I could find my perfect match and be with them until the end of time.

-Brendon Levandosky