The Dark

What is the Dark?  It is a place we all have but very different from each other. Others might lock there’s away or keep theirs from being open. As for me well, to me it is a place where all past events dwell, where all secrets hide, and where all broken dreams wait, to be fix and rise again, or to be lost forever. It is the place where the monsters hide, the place filled with regrets, pain, suffering, yet; it is also the place for peace.

For a place filled with so many bad things, it’s funny how I can find peace in the Dark. Well in the dark lies all my regrets, all my mistakes, and all my failures, they are all my weaknesses. I can let go of the pain they brought unto me but I can never forget the experience I went through. The experiences, the many failed attempts I surpassed to get here, the wounds they made may have hurt but it made me stronger.

            I’m not brave to find peace in the dark I’m actually afraid of it for in it lies my past. A story about a boy who wanted to be the best but could never be the best, a boy who was sort of a failure to many things. He never reached his goals, he was always demanding, he was betrayed by his class, was out shined in the only thing he was good at, he was forgotten by many. He kept all those things inside hoping for an end, until one day his despair became hate. A little longer and he might have done terrible things. The Anger did die out eventually, and for a time he was empty, he didn’t know what he wanted only that he was not happy. After wards he met someone who brought the emptiness to an end, an angel whose purpose was to remind him that there many reason to live for. The boy once again dreamed again, but he was afraid that he would never be accepted and as time passed he felt sadness overcoming him and it was only when he closed his eyes when he saw the alternatives to everything he went through but he could not change the pass he can only live the present and hope for a better future even if the future is never in his favor. That is my pass after that I’ve failed in more things but I succeeded in the end. And in every success I find myself facing another task, sometimes it’s redemption for my past sometimes it’s harder than the last one. Every time I remember that story it brings back all the feelings, the hate, the hopelessness, the regrets, and disappointments, and I fear that it will consume me again and I might do something I’ll regret. 

            I guess the story states that maybe I’m afraid of people maybe I am, or maybe I was. All I know is I hate it when people treat others like garbage, when they brag about their accomplishments, when they think they’re so high and mighty, it makes me feel like wanting to bring their towers down. Maybe I’m jealous of them or I just don’t like them saying they’re the best. If people treat me like an outcast, I won’t mind, if they need my help I would help if I can. I try to live by the Jesuit code to help others even if they wouldn’t do the same. Yet I also like the quote/Law “An Eye for An Eye” What others do to me I will return the favor and if it’s their lucky day it may be more, or less to forgotten.

            If I were to continue my story till present it would go something like this:

The boy graduated High School then entered college he met new people that are so different to him, yet very relatable in fact two of them were kind of like the reminder of the life he had if the bad things never happened. He learned to trust people and eventually reach a point in his life where he had to choose whether to stay or leave. He chose to leave, he tells himself that he is not needed here and he wants to see the world, he tells his friends that he failed to reach the passing mark by 0.20% in his chosen course and his the school won’t let him take his plan B since the change of education system was in order (he was a member of the last batch who graduated by the old curriculum and K2-12 was implemented on the new curriculum), but the truth is he didn’t want to remember some of the things that happened there at his home town. That was kind of like a good idea at the time, now he misses his friends and he is afraid that if he ever goes back he nothing will be the same and he would no longer be welcomed there anymore. Two months later he still misses his friends but now he has accepted the fact that his home will change and he might not be remembered if he ever gets back, which means another chance to start over. Besides he did come here to start a new life, and he needs to make peace with his pass in order to do so, might as well get on with it. He is however making better progress here than he was at home. And that’s where my story ends for now.

            So why do I prefer the dark? It’s because you couldn’t see the light when it’s already bright. It’s like the rising sun after a cold starless night or like being on a dark tunnel with no light source, the only way out is to walk in the dark, you might stumble and fall, you might feel vulnerable, but when you find the light you know you’re on the right path out of the tunnel. I like the dark it might remind me of everything bad that had happened to me, but it also reminds me that I was able to get through it, I just need to find my way out or wait for the right moment to come.
-By Christian Q