Vulnerability surrounds my life and has since before I was born. Two months early I took my first breaths on the same day Elvis took his last, just two decades and a year late. Born to an Aboriginal Mother and Father, a Two-spirited god-father and a Catholic god-mother. Who would have guessed that I would disregard the later and take so heavily after the former in later years? As a whole I am a First Nations, premature, two-spirited person with low self esteem and fall time depression (despite it being my favourite season). All together it sounds like a recipe for disaster, with the chances of violence, terrible health, isolation, and high chances of suicide, with rates what they are for "people like me". It's hard to deal with the knowledge that if I stay out too late in town I will be j"ust another statistic". You’d think it's just a paranoid fear, and god do I wish it was, but 4 out of 8 of my brothers (either adopted, my dad as theirs, or biological, but my brothers nonetheless) have been attacked by a white supremacist gang called “The White Gorillas”. I'm just lucky my brothers are a lot stronger than what their gentle smiles and thin frames suggest. Despite my fears and conditions I fight an internal battle against fatigue and intrusive thoughts, trying to boost my self esteem, and steady my resolve. When I find the strength to ignore my fears that I fear or the pain I will find because of my race, gender, or romantic orientation, I feel that much stronger, that much safer. Since there is really no way to change some people's opinions I just have to suck it up and be brave enough to live life as I want and try stay as safe as I can.
-Muggs
A great song.
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