There are things in my life that I am terrified of. Things that take over my body, and my mind; I can’t control them. Things like darkness, and monsters. Darkness that I can't get rid of. Monsters that tease you with weakness. The darkness that taunts me the most, is being alone. It is undoubtedly my worst fear, yet I face it everyday. I never grew up with many close friends, or even people who liked me very much. I started to become someone that I knew I wasn't because I wanted to be noticed. During that process, a lot of myself came out and I lost a lot of people in my life. Most of the people who have been in my life are not there anymore.
Whenever I find myself alone in a hallway at school, or even in my room where no one can see me, I start to panick on the inside. I don't have many people close to me right now, and I'm terrible at making friends, or even just talking to anyone. Everything about me seems to get around to everybody. I hope I can think of a way to thank the people in my life that I love, and that love me, the best I can; I will try my hardest. This fear of loneliness, has brought me all the struggles I have ever had, but it has also brought me the strength to deal with those struggles. The fact that I am used to being alone doesn't scare me all the time anymore. I hope that it will eventually help me to gain the courage that has been hiding within me.
There is a song that I came across a long time ago. Writing this blog has reminded me of it. I would say it describes me, or at least this situation. It’s called “Throne” and is by Bring Me The Horizon. There are a few verses in the song that really stuck out to me. “So you can throw me to the wolves. Tomorrow I will come back; leader of the whole pack. Beat me, black and blue; every wound will shape me; every scar will build my throne.” When I get thrown into a tough situation, I know it will shape me into a stronger person after I get out of it.
- By Renee C
- By Renee C
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