When I was younger I was protected from the worries and the
evil of today, not just the injustices and crimes of the outside world though.
I was sheltered from event occurring in my own house, in my own family. I
learned to never get too comfortable with living somewhere because I never knew
when we would have to move again. The first time we moved was the worst because
now that I’m older and look back I realise, that’s where it all started to go
downhill, and that was the end of my free trial. We moved to this strange
trailer park just on the outskirts of town, I had no idea why we had moved nor
what was going on. I was sheltered from situations and lied to about emotion, I
never understood why I would see my father cry or why I would wake up to fists
flying through my door. I didn’t understand why my mom would leave crying in
her car, while my dad stayed home and told my sister and me that everything
would be ok. My sister was my protector she kept me from the harms of this
twisted world but she could only do so much. The next few years were a struggle for my
family, but the moment I will never forget is the moment where my protector –
my sister – was torn from me. I
remember my mother pulling me away from the house where my sister hid and I
remember crying to my father to help me, to unite me with my sister, but he did
nothing but stand there idly. He could not even look me in the eye because he
knew his lack of action, was an injustice to his son. I lost her in that moment. After all of that had happened we were living
in Lethbridge; I was without my sister, without my shelter. I had become very
depressed and often contemplated suicide, and then I had received news that my
sister would be coming back. I was more than excited, but when she came home
she was a different person. And then I got the news that when she was gone she
had been violated in the worst. I felt
broken, destroyed even knowing that I was not able to protect my sister after
all she had done for me. She was often suicidal and so was I, and the
introduction of a step dad living with us did not make anything better, since
he was a trigger to my parent’s separation. I started to notice that whenever
she would fight with our step father I had become her protector and tried to
shield her from his ignorance to our situation. After many years and many
different houses, I found myself at CCH.
Grade 11 is when I relapsed the
hardest I had found out that my younger sister Shae committed suicide because
she just couldn’t do it anymore, and every time I try to talk to someone about
I feel like I should have been there to protect her from all of this. Not too
long after I found out my dad had been trying to kill himself ever since he was
the one who found her. This crushed me knowing that he would leave me, my
sister, and my 7 year old brother behind with no father. This was when I
started getting into a lot of different drugs and noticed myself drinking quite
often. I was on my way downhill but then I started to see what I was doing to
myself and needed to change and make my goal to graduate. The first time I ever
heard my father tell me he was truly proud of me was when I got to see him
after the convocation at grad. Many
times in my life I had given up hope, I thought it was over; I wanted it to be
over, but as time goes on I can start to see a better life away from all of
this, a new found hope. It took a lot of courage for me to be able want to get
out of bed, even to live, to come to school, and to prosper and make it
through. Now you might understand those days when I came to class late or
didn’t come at all.
Rest in peace.
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